Life: Holding Hands

Couples hold hands. Girls for affection and guys for show. It feels wonderful to have a beautiful girl on your arm, or if you are a physics or math major, any girl. With this simple nonsexual touch, guys give a socially accepted “fuck you” to every other jealous bachelor. But every so often a couple doesn’t look quite right. The girl, bless her heart, is obviously and desperately infatuated with her male counter part and guy is two hiccups away from ending it. She just isn’t pretty enough.

I realize I am going to be reincarnated as a dung beetle but let me explain.

The girl is probably too good for him. He is probably an ass and treats her like shit. He is lucky to have her. Ti's true. But as nature would have it, humans aren’t attracted to personality or character. All he knows is that his girl is emphatically groping him as he walks. She does this for affection, of course, as all girls do. But in an interesting twist of fate, she now becomes the show-off. She is trying to scream to the world “He likes me! I have a boyfriend!” and of course, “Fuck you sorority girl!” All the while, he is looking up in the trees barely touching her, unequivocally whispering to every passerby, “We are just friends.” But he’s not fooling anyone, it is obvious that he is either using her for sex, in which case he is obnoxious filth, or he truly likes her and she is beautiful to him, in which case he should not insult her and his relationship by acting like he doesn’t really like her. Despicable.



And the same situation could be reversed, but it never is, because girls feel more than they see. Girls are more thoughtful, nicer, less superficial, and are overall better human beings. My advice then? Don’t get involved with someone who you can’t proudly hold hands with.