Life: Street Rat
My English Professor tells me not to write about grandiose topics. Something about being a minimalist? She obviously doesn’t get it. I can change the world, solve the abortion debate, and feed the world by posting. Plus, winter brings only snow and reflection and I have plenty of the latter.
Love.
My best friend often tells me that I’m a robot. Actually, no, that doesn’t give him enough credit. It usually goes something like:
“Dude, you have no soul! You are incapable of love, want to kill puppies, and wouldn’t care if I died. Am I not correct? It’s true. It is. No...dude...I’m serious. If I died you’d be like ‘man that sucks that he died...oh well...I’m over it’. Then you’d go kick a puppy. You would! You’d shrug your shoulders and say ‘that sucks’. That’s it. No crying. Of course no crying. I mean, why would anyone cry at anything? If they do they are obviously a pussy. Right? That’s what you think! Listen, no...dude...listen. I’m serious. Wait, wait...here is what your life will be like. OK? Ready? You will date some girl and like her, probably just a little. She’ll be smart and people will think she is attractive but you’ll secretly be judging her the whole time. I mean, come on, no one is good enough for you. Right? You’ll marry the poor girl because it is what you are supposed to. Plus you’ll never get elected to anything if you don’t have a wife. And those are the only reasons! ...The only ones. God knows you won’t love her, because obviously you will never love anyone. You’ll get a puppy that you will kick, but only for your kids, which you will hate! No, let me rephrase that...hate! You will hate your children! You’ll contemplate giving them up for adoption. Probably to me. You’ll say, ‘dude, come on, just take them’. Basically your life will have moments of happiness but overall you will be numb. And not because you won’t have a nearly perfect life which I will mooch off of. You know you are buying me a house and giving me a job right? You are! Listen...I’ll kill you if you don’t. Torture actually. Wait...you don’t think I can beat your ass? Dude...I totally could. Alright anyway, in conclusion...you don’t feel anything, will never love anyone, and are basically a robot. Insides? None. Complete...Absolute...Robot.”
If anyone knows my best friend, that is basically a tape recording of him. And the scary thing is that every time he goes on one of these rants all I can do is laugh hysterically. Partly because at some less exaggerated level, I agree. I wish I didn’t, but for some inescapable reason I have a difficult time loving people. Maybe I’ve felt genuine love or maybe I haven’t? Danny doesn’t think I have, do, or ever will. I tend to be a little more optimistic about the whole thing. I might even be on my way now?
In any event, I often feel like Aladdin. But instead of making the girl fall in love with me, I wish I could make myself fall in love (stupid genie restrictions).
One day (dramatic pause) One day.
posted by Creo @ 13.1.06
7 comments
7 Comments:
Sometimes our inability to love stems from our self-centered nature, which is culpable for our failure to be altruistic and look beyond “self” to notice others and their needs. However, my theory on love is that love holds its own, because it cannot be forced and definitely not forged. I am sure that one day you might be able to prove your friend wrong and truly love a lucky girl. And when you do, you’ll know it, she’ll know it, and everyone else will know it. Then you’ll finally say ‘I love you’ for the first time; because this time—as opposed to all the other times—you will really mean it.
That's some best friend you have!
Life would be whole lot easier if we all had our own personal genie...unfortunately this is not the case for most of us. Oh, and tell Danny that he should "back off." I have full confidence that you will find true love someday, and more often than not, you'll find it when you aren't even looking!
"Riff raff, street rat, I don't, by that. If only they'de look closer."
I feel your friend really had a point with the whole animal abuse thing. I heard through the grape vine that you find pleasure in abusing monkeys... and fantasize about murdering King Kong. I think you should find a bridge and jump. Do your future children, your future wife, and all of us a favor here.
p.s. I love you
You and i have had many conversations discussing this, and i think you know my take on it. You are afraid of love because every example you've seen of it has not been an example of what love is supposed to be. you are capable of love, i have never doubted that. You are just so afraid of being vunerable that it prohibits you from going the extra mile. and in order to love, truly love, you have to be vunerable. and hey listen, i love you and so does God, whether you choose to believe it or not. don't worry buttface, love will find you, once you let it. (p.s. i hope anything i said doesnt make you upset, if it did, im really sorry!!!)
Aladdin? What an interesting parallel. Because for a street rat, he's a confident and articulate individual who feels only oppressed by his status in society. As a result, he has to change who he is to find somebody. To be quite honest, I'm not so sure this is your problem. I would say, from what I know about you, you simply need somebody who can both match you intellect and offer support and logical conversation through your "confusion" and quest for, well, whatever it is you're searching for. I'm certain you haven't become apathetic. It's not unusual for political science majors to get lost in the platonic realm of essences and forms while we study the abstract philosophy of thinkers from the beginning of time, and at the same time try to root this in something tangible and practical for the well being of the people around us. To end this little rant I'm going to offer some of the most cliché advice in relationship advice that is ever offered. Be yourself, and maybe the relationship your looking for is with a close friend, and not the blond-haired infatuation across the classroom.
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