Life: Time is a Girl

Time is too beautiful to be a guy and entirely too complicated to be an it. Time is definitely a girl. She and I have been dating for over two decades now. She is my entire life and I mean nothing to her. It is all quite sad—I think I’ll look into a religion.

She kissed me once: the best damn kiss I’ve ever had. She tasted like seasons and sunsets. I cheat on her everyday with the television and unhappiness. She warns me not to waist her—that she goes fast. But honestly, even if I tried, I could never live up to her expectations. Her last boyfriend was Einstein. And before that? She dated the Wright brothers, Ben Franklin, Jesus, and Socrates. Of course I am going to suffer by comparison. She has been with everyone!

I tried breaking up with her. Told her I needed to slow things down a bit. She said I will never get rid of her; that she’ll never slow down; that she’ll always just be. I told her she sounded like a bad poem.

I have a creepy feeling she is going to try and kill me one day. But I don’t think it is personal (I hear she does it to all her boyfriends). And in the end, I’ll thank her for all the great memories she gave me, tell her I love her, and leave her to enjoy the future.